anger

My dad has terminal cancer and has been living with us for about a month now. He has gotten worse over the last week and has gotten angry and discouraged, which he takes out on me sometimes, I have been having a rough couple of days. I just found out my sweet friend Brittney, who is very young, died yesterday. She has baby twin girls that will never know her, it just seems unfair sometimes ya know! Sometimes I wish dad would pass away so he doesn't have to be in pain anymore.....is that bad? He is very frustrated because his mind works and he wants to be independant and go and do but his body won't move and he is dependant on me to do everything for him, which frustrates him to know end. He has always been a macho man and latley he has been getting pissy with me and even yelled at me last night so I stomped into the house and slammed the door behind me. Later on after a couple of hours he didn't even apoligize, he acts like a freakin baby....you can tell i am still upset about it. He was mad because I wouldn't give him more drugs, he doesn't need them, he is an addict that's why he wanted them!!! Times like this remind me of why I hated him all those years. I know it sounds bad because he could die anyday but I can't help the way I feel. He doesn't want to die and that fuels his anger, which I think is a mask for just being scared, ya know. Taking care of him has been a blessing to me, up until now, I don't want to hate him before he dies!!!!