coming to the end

Well We are towards the end. Dad only has hours or days left. I can't believe it has gone so fast. I realized I can't be angry at him for anything because he is in pain and suffering immensly. He looks like a skeleton. I can't beleive what cancer does to people. My brother Nick is having a really hard time, he hasn't accepted the inevitable like the rest of us have. I have been trying to plan the funeral and have realized how real this really is. I have felt numb for so long and when I wake up in the morning I am greatful for another day with my dad. He has done some funny things that keep us laughing and keep things light hearted. I keep thinking I am holding together great and then I wake up feeling anxious and trying to not loose it and be strong for him and my siblings. Rod's afraid because I am not greiving at this point that I will crash when my dad is gone and the funeral is over and life goes on. I must admit I am a little scared as well because I feel numb and I know eventually the realtiy will catch up with me!