5 years ago
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Rebellion
Okay right now is probably not a good time to blog because I am having a really hard time spiritually. I feel like rebelling and I know that Satan is loving every minute of my conflict. I am so glad there is no church on Sunday because I don't even want to go. I am having issues. It's like a spiritual protection has been lifted from me and everything from the outside world is attacking me. Seriously all this change in one month is not good for someone who hates change and does not do well with it. I just want to crawl in a whole and die, okay maybe not die but at least disappear for awhile. I wish the cabin was open because I so would not be here in this hell hole I am living in...not my house but the whole in my life. I have never struggled spiritually before...not wanting to go to church that IS NOT me. I love church, normally. It is just easier to not try, however I know that I am way to Obedient to not try or at least go through the motions! Dang this sucks. My life is out of control and I can't seem to grab a hold of it. Maybe I expect to much and that is my problem...Universe take hold and guide me!!!
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2 comments:
Leslie, I know what you feel. I may not do much as secretary, but I feel totally out of my element. As I was standing up there baring my testimony on sunday, I felt like I much like I did when I first got my calling, and not a whole lot like I had the spirit with me. I felt angry at the Lord for some reason all day on Sunday, and it wasn't till I went to my Mother in law's house and found something funny to have a really good hard laugh at that I finally felt somewhat better. I think in my case it was hormones,(and if not, that's what I blamed it on). Being a woman is hard! and change is hard. Just find a way to release. Sleep, punching a punching bag, reading your scriptures, watching british comedy, what ever you need to feel better. And in time, we'll both feel good.
I don't have any great advice, just a listening ear and the thought,....." This too shall pass"...
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